SR, who was vacationing in the Bahamas couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice.

"Mate, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small - and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' ya man... you'll have all the babes ya want!"

The following weekend SR hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!

So he went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, "What's wrong now?"

"Damn, Mate!" said the lifeguard, "The potato goes in front!!"

LMAO Hey I still looked better than anyone on that beach!

SR

lmfao!! thats awesome

Towards the end of the golf course, SR hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden....POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.


She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?

Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life; better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life.......As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything the rest of your life!!!!! Then POOF!......she was gone!


After SR recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, "T_Bar, where are you?"

T_Bar yells back "I'm over here in the pussy willows."

SR shouts back, "DON'T SWING, T-Bar! For the love of God, DON'T SWING!"

And that's why SR is a friend of mine for life!

Here is one for ya T_bar. A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a bar in Huddersfield, England.
She raised her right arm revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "what man here will buy a lady a drink"?

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar,T-Bar an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed,

"Give the ballerina a drink." The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.

She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them revealing the same hairy armpit and asked, "what man here will buy a lady a drink"?

Once again, drunkin T-Bar slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!!!"

The bartender approached T-Bar and said, "I say, old chap,it's none of my business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her '"The ballerina"?

T-Bar replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

LMAO. Thank God for bad eyesight.

LOL, beer goggles can be dangerous hahahaha

SR