crackett1
12-03-2001, 12:04 PM
It was reported today that Osama Bin Laden has 50 brothers and sisters.
> Which absolutely shocked me because I had no idea he was Catholic"
> - Conan O'Brien
>
> "People want to say there isn't racial profiling at the airport, but let's
> be honest. If you first name is Mohammed, and your last name isn't Ali,
> leave a little extra time."
> -Jay Leno
>
> "You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here legally, but
> they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.
> Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and
> these people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of
> immigration."
> -Jay Leno
>
> "The Taliban has asked Osama bin Laden to voluntarily leave the country.
> They said they delivered him a note asking him to leave, which is a pretty
> good trick considering they claim they don't even know where he is."
> - Jay Leno
>
> "There are reports on the news tonight that members of the Taliban feel
> persecuted and fear their own safety. So now they know what it is like to
> feel like a woman in their country."
> -Jay Leno
>
> "US Government has said they are now going to go after the
> terrorist's electronic banking system. You know what they should do? They
> should transfer bin Laden's funds to my bank. They'd mess up his deposits,
> screw up his statement and nickel and dime him to death with service
> charges."
> - Jay Leno
>
> "More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Osama bin
> Laden. Time reports this week he was one of 52 kids. Mother must be
> exhausted. This guy inherited $80 million at age 13 and has since expanded
> it to $300 million through construction, smart investments and gas and oil
> investments. This way, he can use the money in his war
> against capitalism."
> -Jay Leno
>
> "This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three
> words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send her over there, she'll get
> his money, he'll be dead in a week."
> -Jay Leno
>
> "Everybody is talking about finding bin Laden.
> How about finding Dick Cheney? Where did he go?
> What have we got caves over here now, too?
> Where did he go? I think his Secret Service code name is 'Waldo.'"
> -Jay Leno
>
> "One of the Taliban spokesmen said they have thousands of men who look
> forward to death like Americans look forward to living, which is great
> because we can arrange that.
> We'll set them up with death, we'll continue living."
> -Jay Leno
>
> "President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today Congress
> announced that they are accepting bribes again."
> -Jay Leno
>
> "The Canadian Prime Minister said Canada would lend the U.S. its full
> military support. You know what that means - both tanks."
> -Jay Leno
>
> "California Governor Gray Davis urged Americans to do something patriotic
> and take a vacation. His timing is just perfect. Now that everyone on the
> East Coast has bought a gas mask, they've got everything they need to
> vacation in Los Angeles."
> -Comedian Argus Hamilton
>
> "We're just being silly this week trying to make people feel good. People
> are chipping in. All of Hollywood is helping out. Did you see this? God
> bless them, rap stars are now offering to donate their arsenals to the
> United States military."
> -Jay Leno
>
> Which absolutely shocked me because I had no idea he was Catholic"
> - Conan O'Brien
>
> "People want to say there isn't racial profiling at the airport, but let's
> be honest. If you first name is Mohammed, and your last name isn't Ali,
> leave a little extra time."
> -Jay Leno
>
> "You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here legally, but
> they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.
> Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and
> these people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of
> immigration."
> -Jay Leno
>
> "The Taliban has asked Osama bin Laden to voluntarily leave the country.
> They said they delivered him a note asking him to leave, which is a pretty
> good trick considering they claim they don't even know where he is."
> - Jay Leno
>
> "There are reports on the news tonight that members of the Taliban feel
> persecuted and fear their own safety. So now they know what it is like to
> feel like a woman in their country."
> -Jay Leno
>
> "US Government has said they are now going to go after the
> terrorist's electronic banking system. You know what they should do? They
> should transfer bin Laden's funds to my bank. They'd mess up his deposits,
> screw up his statement and nickel and dime him to death with service
> charges."
> - Jay Leno
>
> "More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Osama bin
> Laden. Time reports this week he was one of 52 kids. Mother must be
> exhausted. This guy inherited $80 million at age 13 and has since expanded
> it to $300 million through construction, smart investments and gas and oil
> investments. This way, he can use the money in his war
> against capitalism."
> -Jay Leno
>
> "This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three
> words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send her over there, she'll get
> his money, he'll be dead in a week."
> -Jay Leno
>
> "Everybody is talking about finding bin Laden.
> How about finding Dick Cheney? Where did he go?
> What have we got caves over here now, too?
> Where did he go? I think his Secret Service code name is 'Waldo.'"
> -Jay Leno
>
> "One of the Taliban spokesmen said they have thousands of men who look
> forward to death like Americans look forward to living, which is great
> because we can arrange that.
> We'll set them up with death, we'll continue living."
> -Jay Leno
>
> "President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today Congress
> announced that they are accepting bribes again."
> -Jay Leno
>
> "The Canadian Prime Minister said Canada would lend the U.S. its full
> military support. You know what that means - both tanks."
> -Jay Leno
>
> "California Governor Gray Davis urged Americans to do something patriotic
> and take a vacation. His timing is just perfect. Now that everyone on the
> East Coast has bought a gas mask, they've got everything they need to
> vacation in Los Angeles."
> -Comedian Argus Hamilton
>
> "We're just being silly this week trying to make people feel good. People
> are chipping in. All of Hollywood is helping out. Did you see this? God
> bless them, rap stars are now offering to donate their arsenals to the
> United States military."
> -Jay Leno
>